The Devil's Recruiting Methods

One day while walking down the street a successful executive woman was hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. “Welcome to Heaven. Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had an executive make it this far and we’re not really sure what to do with you. “No problem, just let me in,” said the woman. “Well, I’d like to, but I have higher orders. As an executive you understand the difference between predestination and free will --so what we’re going to do is let you have a day in hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want.” “Actually, I think I’ve made up my mind -- I prefer to stay in Heaven”, said the woman. “Sorry, I have my orders,” and with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down, down to hell. The doors opened and she found herself stepping out on to a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends -- fellow executives that she had worked with and they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved good-bye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her. “Now its time to spend a day in heaven,” he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her. “So, you’ve spent a day in hell and you’ve spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,” he said. The woman paused for a second and then replied, “Well, I never thought I’d say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in hell.” So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down back into hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her. “I don’t understand,” stammered the woman, “yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable.” The Devil looked at her and smiled. “Yesterday we were recruiting you; today you’re staff.” ~ Author Unknown ~

The Empty Birdcage

Their once was a pastor, named George Thomas, in a small New England town. One Easter Sunday morning he came to the Church carrying a rusty, bent, old birdcage, and set it by the pulpit. Several eyebrows were raised and, as if in response, Pastor Thomas began to speak. “I was walking through town yesterday when I saw a young boy coming toward me swinging this bird cage. On the bottom of the cage were three little wild birds, shivering with cold and fright. I stopped the lad and asked, "What you got there son?" “Just some old birds,” came the reply. “What are you gonna do with them?” I asked. “Take ‘em home and have fun with ‘em,” he answered. I’m gonna tease ‘em and pull out their feathers to make ‘em fight. I’m gonna have a real good time.” “But you’ll get tired of those birds sooner or later. What will you do then?” “Oh, I got some cats,” said the little boy. “They like birds. I’ll take’em to them.” The pastor was silent for a moment. “How much do you want for those birds, son?” “Huh??!!! Why, you don’t want them bird’s, mister. They’re just plain old field birds. They don’t sing -- they ain’t even pretty!” “How much?” the pastor asked again. The boy sized up the pastor as if he were crazy and said, “$10?”

The pastor reached in his pocket and look out a ten-dollar bill. He placed it in the boy’s hand. In a flash, the boy was gone. The pastor picked up the cage and went to the end of the alley where there was a tree and a grassy spot. Setting the cage down, he opened the door, and by softly tapping the bars persuaded the birds out, setting them free. Well, that explained the empty birdcage on the pulpit, and then the pastor began to tell this story.

One day Satan and Jesus were having a conversation. Satan had just come from the Garden of Eden, and he was gloating and boasting. “Yes, sir, I just caught the world full of people down there. Set me a trap and used bait I knew they couldn’t resist. Got ‘em all!” “What are you going to do with them?” Jesus asked. Satan replied, “Oh, I’m gonna have fun! I’m gonna teach them how to marry and divorce each other, how to hate and abuse each other, how to drink and smoke and curse. I’m gonna teach them how to invent guns and bombs and kill each other. I’m really gonna have fun!”

“And what will you do when you get done with them?” Jesus asked. “Oh, I’ll kill ‘em,” Satan glared proudly. “How much do you want for them?” Jesus asked. “Oh, you don’t want those people. They ain’t no good. Why, you’ll take them and they’ll just hate you. They’ll spit on you, curse you and kill you!! You don’t want those people!” “How much?” He asked again. Satan looked at Jesus and sneered, “All your tears, and all your blood.” Jesus said, “DONE!” Then He paid the price. The pastor picked up the cage he opened the door and he walked from the pulpit. ~ Author Unknown ~

The Greatest Things

The highest aim in life -- To know God and do His will! The most enriching good habit -- Complimenting others The most destructive bad habit -- Worry The greatest joy -- Giving The greatest loss -- Loss of self-respect The most satisfying work -- Helping others The ugliest personality trait -- Selfishness The most endangered species -- Dedicated leaders Our greatest natural resource -- Our youth The ugliest look -- A frown The greatest “shot in the arm” -- Encouragement The greatest problem to overcome -- Fear The most effective sleeping pill -- Peace of mind The most crippling failure disease -- Excuses The surest way to limit God -- Disbelief The most powerful forces in life -- Love The most dangerous piranha -- A gossiper The Greatest Life-Giver -- The Creator The worlds most incredible computer -- The brain The worst thing to be without -- Hope The deadliest weapon -- The tongue The two most power-filled words -- “ I Can” The greatest asset -- Faith The most worthless emotion -- Self-pity The most beautiful attire -- A Smile! The most prized possession -- Self esteem The most powerful channel of communication -- Prayer The most contagious sprit -- Enthusiasm The most urgent need -- SALVATION The greatest attribute of God -- Obedience The GREATEST -- GOD ~ Author Unknown ~

The Legend of the Dogwood

An old and beautiful legend has it that, at the time of the crucifixion, the dogwood was comparable in size to the oak tree and other monarchs of the forest. Because of its firmness and strength it was selected as the timber for the cross, but to be put to such a cruel use greatly distressed the tree. Sensing this, the crucified Jesus in His gentle pity for the sorrow and suffering of all said to it: “Because of your sorrow and pity for My sufferings, never again will the dogwood tree grow large enough to be used as a gibbet. Henceforth it will be slender, bent and twisted and its blossoms will be in the form of a cross -- two long and two short petals

In the center of the outer edge of each petal there will be nail prints -- brown with rust stained with red -- and in the center of the flower will be a crown of thorns, and all who see this will remember.” ~ Author Unknown ~

The Lord's Baseball Game

Bob and the Lord stood together, watching a baseball game. The Lord’s team was playing Satan’s team. The Lord’s team was at bat, the score was tied zero to zero, and it was the bottom of the 9th inning with two outs. Bob and the Lord continued to watch as the batter, Love, stepped up to the plate. Love swung at the first pitch and hit a single because Love never fails. The next batter was named Faith, who also got a single because Faith works with Love. The next batter up was named Godly Wisdom. Satan wound up and threw the first pitch; Godly Wisdom looked it over and let it pass, because Godly Wisdom does not swing at Satan’s pitches. Ball one. Three more pitches and Godly Wisdom walked, because Godly Wisdom never swings at Satan’s throws. The bases were loaded. The Lord then turned to Bob and told him He was now going to bring in His star player. Up to the plate stepped Grace. Bob made a face -- Grace certainly didn’t look like much to him! Apparently Satan’s whole team agreed: they all relaxed and laughed a little when they saw Grace. Thinking he had won the game, Satan wound up and fired his first pitch. To all but one’s amazement, Grace hit the ball harder than anyone had ever seen. But Satan was not worried; his center fielder, the Prince of the Air, let very few get by. He went up for the ball, but it went right through his glove, hit him on the head and sent him crashing to the ground; then it continued over the fence for a home run! And so the Lord’s team won. The Lord then asked Bob if he knew why Love, Faith, and Godly Wisdom could get on base but could not win the game by themselves. Bob, looking a bit sheepish, admitted that he didn’t know. The Lord explained, “If your love, faith, and wisdom could win the game, you would think you could win it by yourself. Love, faith, and wisdom will get you on base but only My Grace can get you home. My Grace is the one thing Satan cannot stop. ~ Author Unknown ~

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